Friday, June 9, 2017

My pregnancy with Nova | Finding out

I really want to dive back into the blogging world because my intention was to use this blog as a journal and someday a book for my family. So I think documenting my pregnancy with Nova is a good reason to jumpstart my blogging.

We found out that our third child was on its way on Friday May 13th, 2016. After pretty much giving up trying after 2.5 years of unexplained infertility, to say I was shocked was an understatement!

   I came home from work that night after working a 12 hour shift and during my shower I noticed that my breast were a little tender. But whatever, they had been tender several times during the infertility months and I was never pregnant. My period was due in about 6 days so I chalked it up to that but decided to pee on a pregnancy test strip which are the ones that the dr offices use. They are super cheap so i bought probably 100 over the last few years because I was testing so much. I had done this routine several times while TTC that it wasn't  anything. I didn't even get a hope of excitement about the test  whatsoever. After taking the test I jumped in the shower and decided to check it after I got out. About 5 minutes later my husband was in the bathroom and I got out of the shower and picked up the teeny tiny test and looked at it and I thought I could see the faintest of the faintest lines. I have looked at these dang tests several hundred times and they never had any lines whatsoever so when I seen this I shrieked and asked Tony if he seen any thing. And his response was "nope". 

   I told Tony that I swear I see something and I swear it a line! By this time it was 11pm and I had ZERO more tests. Go figure right!?! After having cupboards full of them over the last years, here I am *maybe* pregnant and had no way to tell for sure. I told Tony I was going to meijers to get a more expensive and accurate test and he couldn't believe that i couldn't wait until the morning. How could I?!? I *might* really be pregnant!

  I drove WAY to fast to meijers but the whole time I felt numb. Could this be true? Am I pregnant? No, I'm not. Yes, I am. I tried not to get my hopes up but there was a line. Like I said earlier, I have looked at those dang test for years with nothing. At meijers I bought two test, a First Response early result test which detects pregnancy hormone up to 6 days early, and one of the digits ones that say +YES or -NO. With these test I knew I would have my answer tonight.

  When I got home Tony was sleeping so I woke him up and decided to just take the digital test. That would make it easy with a yes/no answer and I would save the other if it said -NO. In case you have never taken a digital test, once you pee on it a timer starts and it takes about 3 minutes for an answer. So for the 3 minutes your staring at a timer like this...
 
And then this happened.

 

The breath was instantly sucked out of me and I felt like for a moment I could explode. I remember looking at Tony and saying "OH MY GOD IM PREGNANT". 

I ended up taking the othe test.
 
It was faint but it was definitely positive!

Sleeping was hard that night. After spending the previous several months just trying to accept that we were only going to have 2 children and I was actually accepting that into my heart, our whole world changed in a matter of an hour. I went from not even suspecting to full blown pregnant in an hour. 

I wish I could say that I was super excited and bliss and free of worry, but anxiety quickly snuck it's ugly head in. The next several days I was on cloud nine but that would change in a matter of seconds and I would be having an anxiety attack. The anxiety mostly consisted of my fear of living through PPD and postpartum OCD again. And also I had just been worked up for having lupus due to a positive Antinuclear antibody which put this pregnancy at risk from the beginning. I even stopped my doctor in the hallway at work and told him I was pregnant and he told me to start taking baby aspirin right away.

 The anxiety faded away over the next several months thanks to the feel-good pregnancy hormones and I was looking forward to getting far enough along to feel comfortable telling our family and friends. It's just amazing that after all the perfect timing, tests, surgeries, medications, and supplements to get pregnant it just happened on its own when the universe decided it was time.

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