Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Winter

     Winter. I have for 4 consecutive years now dreaded the winter. Its gloomy. Its the season I lost my mother. The winter after that I battled some heavy ppd/ppocd. I have a sinus infection every other week. Its expensive due to high heat cost, busy school time and little work, and of course the holidays. Days are short and nights are long. Its just blah.
  I try to be an optimistic most of the time, and I would say that I really am....most of the time. But darn, I'm having a hard time being so optimistic and patient with winter. Having children does make it so much more enjoyable I do have to say. Christmas is one hundred times more special then before them. Making snowmen and decorating the Christmas tree while watching their eyes light up sure does make it worth it. But I still keep wishing that it would just get over with. And maybe that's just my inner stressed out voice talking. The one that has to deal with nursing school, financial woes, and illness. This year though, I'm going to really try to see past that voice.
   I will admit it, I don't think I have even given a fair effort in getting over how much winter bugs me. To be honest its more then just the above problems and coldness, its almost like I feel different. Maybe its what they call seasonal affect disorder? Maybe its that. Toppled with crummy anniversaries and being busy. What ever it is, I think I have pretty much recognized that I don't like winter that much, but I really do want to.
  Today when me and Dominic went to the bus stop to pick up Cameron, I noticed that I had left my green flower pot out, I forgot to empty the dead plant out of it and return it to the garage until spring. Then I thought to myself how its strange that things are the same but it can feel so different. In my mind its like a whole new "winter" world was opened. But in reality not much has changed, just it turned colder outside and there is snow and its dark by 5pm. We do the same activities, routine, eat the same food for the most part....but it all feels very different during winter. I guess this is an opportunity for personal growth and reflection. This winter, I'm really going to try to enjoy it to the fullest length, trying to be more optimistic about it.
  I found this quote earlier and I like it so much that I wrote in on our kitchen chalkboard.

“The sun shines not on us but in us.” - John Muir.


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