Saturday, December 28, 2013

"it all came from your heart"

  I have worked the last two days in labor and delivery. Which is unusual because I'm usually put on call when I'm scheduled. So working two 12 hour shifts in a row has become quite rare these days. Thursday I worked in triage, which we were super busy (11 NST's scheduled) and it was me and an RN and yesterday I worked in LD.
  Thursday morning we had a patient come in who was 7 weeks early in her pregnancy. First baby. She ended up being very sick, and the physician strongly recommended early delivery.
  Complete total shock to her. I held her while she cried. Her husband was still not there yet. I held her hand, and told her she was going to make it through this. Right at that time a special care nurse came in and told her that she felt confidant that her baby was going to be OK. She could not have came in at a better time, since I never feel comfortable (and do not have the authority) giving advice on behalf of the neonate, especially premature babies.
  The day went on, she was moved to LD for induction. My day went on in triage, I clocked out at 7 and went home. I thought about her and her baby all night.
  Yesterday I woke up and I was surprised that I was not put on-call. We had a call in and a nurse who requested on-call so I was able to work. When I got to work I found out she had not yet delivered. I was happy that I was going to be able to help take care of her again, this time in preparation for delivery.
  Mid day after she received some pain relief, I was in her room adjusting the fetal heart tone monitor. Her husband and her were both exhausted, on the verge of finally being able to fall asleep after being up for well over 24 hours. What happened next was something that I so needed to hear.
  She says to me " I just want to thank you for just being there for me yesterday, I could tell that it all came from your heart." She went on to tell me how she couldn't wait to tell her husband about my kindness, and how I made her feel like she was not alone, although she was surrounded by complete strangers in such a scary time. Her husband thanked me. He said that they could tell just by watching me work and by my actions that I loved what I did. I replied with how much I do feel passionate about what I do. We held a small conversation and I think I said thank you 10 times :) I told them how much I needed to hear that. I told them about my journey I am on to become a nurse-midwife, something I don't tell many people because believe it or not, I have not had the best reactions to telling people, in which has made me question myself about my decision. She told me to "just do it", and "to not listen to other peoples opinions". She told me that I was perfect for it. To say that I walked out of that room feeling the sun shining on me would be an understatement.

  Yes, I needed that.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas 2013!

 We spent the day yesterday with my family over at our house, and yesterday evening at Tony's aunts house. This morning our boys woke up at 5, just as I was getting in the shower before work (which I'm actually on call, but need to be prepared in case I need to be there quick).

Quick list of a few things Santa brought the boys :
  • Tag reading books
  • National geographic books
  • scooby movies
  • scooby games
  • monster Inc game
  • a spiderman robe for Cameron
  •  a tablet for Dominic
  • a hand held sega game for Cameron
  • pajamas 
  Santa didn't actually go crazy this year on gifts, pretty much because the boys get so much goodies from everyone else in our family. I'm still trying to figure out where to put stuff, what to donate, what to hand down to younger children in our circle of friends and family.

  Now I'm sipping some hot coffee with my phone next to me in case there are some Christmas babies who decide to come today :)

Merry Christmas!


Sunday, December 22, 2013

Our holiday break

   With just little less then a month until 3rd semester rolls around, I have been thoroughly enjoying this break. Cameron is officially off until after the new year. Its funny, every morning when he wakes up he has to make sure everyone knows how many days he has left until he has to go back to school. Poor little guy, hates school just like mommy did! Dominic is also enjoying all this time off with mommy too. He is my little sidekick, going everywhere I go. He is such a good boy (most of the time!) that I don't mind taking him with me. He even tagged along with me for a meeting with an expecting couple whose birth I will be documenting in April, and was perfect as a peach. The downside of this, is when I do have to leave without him, he is not a happy kid. Every time I have left him with memaw over the last 2 weeks, he has cried and begged me not to leave. It feels awful! Im hoping that when class kicks back in and I have to leave him for about 4 hours 4 days out of the week, he will transition into our old routine smoothly.
   I picked up some extra shifts at the hospital, but only have worked one so far. I have had some photo sessions that have been planned for a while, plus a few I was able to squeeze in at the last moment. Which was much needed financial wise. Trying to save a little before I'm really busy with school over the next 15 weeks when it starts back up.
  Tony bought a race car, with my blessing actually. I have been very much against him getting it for a few years, pretty much because of the financial strain of nursing school. But I know its something he really wanted and I know that the time he spends working on it with his grandpa will make lasting memories. To be honest, I'm not sure what kind of car it is, but its old and black and actually looks pretty cool. "Fright night" is what I think he will be calling it. I might actually take the boys out to the speedway this summer and watch him race ...with major headphones on! Seriously those cars are so so so loud. Like rumbles the entire block loud. Louder then a train loud. Loud.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


   Cameron's school held a winterfest last week. I took both the boys by myself since Tony had school (he was super bummed he couldn't go). It was a pretty simple and fun gathering with food, crafts, and dancing.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


     Winter. I have for 4 consecutive years now dreaded the winter. Its gloomy. Its the season I lost my mother. The winter after that I battled some heavy ppd/ppocd. I have a sinus infection every other week. Its expensive due to high heat cost, busy school time and little work, and of course the holidays. Days are short and nights are long. Its just blah.
  I try to be an optimistic most of the time, and I would say that I really am....most of the time. But darn, I'm having a hard time being so optimistic and patient with winter. Having children does make it so much more enjoyable I do have to say. Christmas is one hundred times more special then before them. Making snowmen and decorating the Christmas tree while watching their eyes light up sure does make it worth it. But I still keep wishing that it would just get over with. And maybe that's just my inner stressed out voice talking. The one that has to deal with nursing school, financial woes, and illness. This year though, I'm going to really try to see past that voice.
   I will admit it, I don't think I have even given a fair effort in getting over how much winter bugs me. To be honest its more then just the above problems and coldness, its almost like I feel different. Maybe its what they call seasonal affect disorder? Maybe its that. Toppled with crummy anniversaries and being busy. What ever it is, I think I have pretty much recognized that I don't like winter that much, but I really do want to.
  Today when me and Dominic went to the bus stop to pick up Cameron, I noticed that I had left my green flower pot out, I forgot to empty the dead plant out of it and return it to the garage until spring. Then I thought to myself how its strange that things are the same but it can feel so different. In my mind its like a whole new "winter" world was opened. But in reality not much has changed, just it turned colder outside and there is snow and its dark by 5pm. We do the same activities, routine, eat the same food for the most part....but it all feels very different during winter. I guess this is an opportunity for personal growth and reflection. This winter, I'm really going to try to enjoy it to the fullest length, trying to be more optimistic about it.
  I found this quote earlier and I like it so much that I wrote in on our kitchen chalkboard.

“The sun shines not on us but in us.” - John Muir.

Friday, December 6, 2013

The end of semester 2!

   I'm officially half way done with my journey to become an RN! Now its just a matter of weeks (51 to be exact) until the big "G". Of course that still feels like FER-EVERR but in retrospect, its not. And from what I have heard, it gets much easier and flies by the last 2 semesters. Its so neat to think that one year from now I will be doing what I love, and getting a decent paycheck for doing it.
  School does not start back up until mid-Jan, so that means a whole month off. Its like a mini summer break,err.....without the summer. But still nice none the less. Cameron will have a few weeks off too, which means more time with both my boys at the same time, from sun up to sun down. Or should I say "son" up to "son" down ;)
  I have been working on a project all year that has to do with the boys, and I have it about half way complete. I'm excited to finish it and share it, but cant until its closer to the new year because its labeled "365" so you get the point. So between that, 2 impending births which Im planning to document (one is a home birth, and one is a planned c-section after a tragic loss) a newborn session, and a few family sessions, I will definitely stay busy. Work-wise at the hospital has been rather non-existent recently. I think I may have worked 3 days in the last 8 weeks. I'm on call, and the days that I'm scheduled to be there, they don't need me. Hallelujah for Tony getting more overtime (he goes in at 5am and has been working Saturdays). Also I really want to "fix" this blog. I dont know what happened but its looking funny.
  Time for the tales of woe. The illness of winter is plaguing our family. C has strept and pneumonia right now,  I'm getting heavy in the chest, and tony just got over what ever he had. D is doing OK thus far, but had a runny nose yesterday so I guess time will tell with that. Also we are trying to decide on whether or not to go to the gulf again this year like we had planned. We usually use our tax return for our vacations, but we also are trying to remain debt free as possible. There are a few things we do need to check off our debt list such as D's surgery, Tony's upcoming surgery, and a few other bills. We will definitely still be going to AL to see my family down there, and with the lake its already a vacation! The boys had a blast swimming, jumping off the dock, fireworks and climbing a mountain last time we went.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Watching them sleep

 Watching my children sleep is one of the most personal and magical memories that I have. Listening to them breath, twirling their hair in my fingers, placing my hand over their hearts, kissing their eyelids.....pure bliss.