Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Its time to lose...

  On July 1st, 2013, I vowed to myself to lose 50 lbs. Here is why...
 Me in 2008
First of all, I'm at the heaviest I have ever been. Even full term pregnant I was never this heavy. To be honest, I can't believe I let myself gain all this weight. For most of my life,  I have been a very active, healthy eating individual. After the birth of my first son (which I weighed 160 lbs with full term) I lost a TON of weight. I was working really hard, eating healthy, taking 3 mile walks with him in his stroller daily. I got down to 129lbs by fall 2008.  I had lost so much weight, that I became flat chested, no joke. Hence a breast augmentation in Sept 2008. That has to be the thinnest I have ever been as an adult. Well I was 20, I guess you can call it hardly an adult but whatever. I felt great about myself and my body.
me in 2009.
I was the type of girl who ate no fried foods, no sweets, pretty much nothing unhealthy. For years I wrote down everything I put into my mouth, including how many tablespoons of ketchup I used. I usually stuck around 1200-1300 calories a day. Gym was at least every day, sometimes two depending if I had child care. When I would go to work, I worked on the 7th floor and would not allow to use the elevator. In fact I don't think I used it the entire year of 2009. For the most part, I was happy. Hungry, but happy.
Something changed when I lost my mom in November of 2009. I fell into the stages of grief, and started not to go to the gym. I just wanted to stay home. Instead of going to the gym everyday, it ended up mostly being like 2-3 times a week, then 1 time a week, the maybe 1 time every other week. I still maintained my eating habits, and maybe even less. So I didn't gain much weight even though I was not working out that much.
I became pregnant with Dominic in March of 2010. I started out weighing 143 at my first prenatal appt. During the beginning of my pregnancy I had this huge plan about how I wouldn't gain more then 25 lbs. I would continue my exercising, and stay away from unhealthy foods. Well 2009 ended up being an extremely stressful year for me. First of all, I was still dealing with depression of losing one of the most important people of my life. Then in April, we came moments away from losing our father to a sub dermal hematoma. After an emergency craniotomy, our hopes were low that he was going to pull though. When he woke from his coma, our fears seemed to be justified when he kept asking "Where is Becky?, Why is she not here?". We thought we had "lost" our dad. But as a few days passed by, he continually improved. He suffered seizures, memory loss, depression and severe anxiety afterwards that entire summer. It was awful. It was hard to watch someone you love go through all that, and also feeling like I needed to replace my mom in a sense by helping him get better. In fall of 2010, I started training in a new position at the hospital. Something new with a ton of new responsibilities and extra stress. Lets just stop here by saying that I gained a ton of weight with that pregnancy. I shot up to 213 by D day.
Me, 3 days before I gave birth to Dominic on November 22, 2010
After Dominic's birth, the lowest I got to was 175. Then I gained back alot of weight in 2011 due to more stress, and depression, and a knee injury. Yo -yo dieting since then, Im now back up to 210. Which I hate. I feel awful, and this extra weight makes me literally tired all the time. I know its time for a change, not just in how I eat, but the way I look at eating and food. I seriously think I have a carb addiction. What I think is so hard about having a so-called carb/food addiction, is that you can't just walk away from food like you could a drug. You need food, everday to live.
Here are the main reasons I need/want to lose weight...
  • I'm at a HUGE risk for heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. I lost my mom to hypertensive heart disease. She had type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. Her high BP even caused her to have mini strokes, or TIA's in her early 50's. She passed away at age of 56. Her mother passed away when she was in her 50's as well. If I don't change my health now.....I may possible be at midlife at the age of 25. That scares the living f*** out of me. I want a long life. I want to have as much time with my children and grandchildren, and even great grandchildren as possible.
  • Having extra weight is exhausting. I use to be so active, now I can barely climb a flight of stairs without having an asthma attack, and I dont even have asthma. I want to keep up with my boys, play soccor with them, climb on playground equipment with them.
  • I want to wear cute clothes again! Im not saying there isnt cute clothes for plus size, but I want to feel good in cute clothes. Maybe even wear heels again. Since gaining weight, heels are SO uncomfortable.
  • I want to look good for my husband. Of course he tells me all the time Im perfect the way I am, but if I don't feel it, I cant believe it. I know he loves me no matter my pant size, but still. He is a health/workout nut. Standing next to him I look like a jellybean.
So why 50 lbs? Why not shoot for 130?
 I'm shooting for 150-160. At those weights, I felt like I was not starving, but felt like good and healthy. Its nice to have a donut once in a while.
We have been discussing baby # 3. If I'm to get pregnant anytime soon, my goal would be to not gain any weight at all. Being obese, this is perfectly safe and healthy. Here is a study on obesity and weight gain during pregnancy. But we will see. None the less, its time to start eating healthy and move more!!!

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